another entry within minutes of the last, wtf?

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i really think im losing my mind. i think i have reached the brink of insanity.
i did once before. im not as close as i was then, but still pretty fucking close.
if i didnt think id literally die without contact to the outside world,
id take a retreat to the monestary in bardstown.
solitude, rest, meditation for a couple days.
id either lose my mind or come back a different person.


that, or the beach.
i need one in my life.
i want to see a lighthouse, go in a lighthouse.
i dont care for heights much but id love to lookout across the ocean from the top of a lighthouse.
ocean air, clear skies, sunshine.
good lord.

i didnt know that afghan whigs was from cincinatti,
until matt pryor said something about it at the acoustic show.
to be honest, im not a fan of their music but their song "66",
i love it.
they used it in "she's all that", which is how i found it.
i used to listen to that song so much back in high school.
when "she's all that" was my favorite movie ever!
but i found the song tonight and it brought back so much.
so many memories, good and bad.
right in the middle of me feeling horrible.
ive been listening to in on repeat ever since.

im going to try to get some sleep,
but i dont think it will work.
i cant stop shaking.
my heart is racing.
its nonsense.