my heart's like a wound.

today has been a rough day.
my best friend's dad was told today that his cancer is terminal.
i found out another friend's grandma passed a few days ago.
and a friend of mine's husband told her he wants a divorce.


i carry the burdens of those i care about.
so all of this, of course, troubles me.
my heart hurts for them.


maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

come around.

so today ive been listening to a lot of AFI, before sing the sorrow.
im down. i wish i could go to a show from that period in their career.

tonight was dead icons tour kickoff.
i love those dudes. i wish the best for them on tour.
after the show me and haley went and ate with them and cody and jaylynn at ramsi's.
then, me and haley went to etown and swam at kota's house with him and brodie.

tonight was a goodnight.
im feeling alright about life.
interested to see what the rest of the summer will hold.


tomorrow night im driving down to clarksville.
thats where dead icons is playing tomorrow night.
looks like im going alone too.
guess ill listen to all the bayside cds and sing at the top of my lungs.
definitely not mad about that.
=]

goodnight

long story short.

im not moving to louisville.


im working a lot.
hanging out some.
hoping for a fun and eventful summer.


i want a tattoo a.s.a.p.
i want to go to boston in september.
i want to go fishing/camping right now.



thats all ive got for now.
i know its not much but it had been awhile.
ill be back soon.

scent of sex and new found glory.

Im sitting outside a house in fairdale while my baby dillybear is inside hanging out with a girl he thinks is amazingggg haha. I would have went in but I decided not to.

So me and steph looked at some places tonight. Im really stoked about living in louisville. Its scary to think that I won't have the comfort of home, but I know that ill just be up the road a little bit. Home isn't that far away. Plus, I love steph to death and I feel like living with her is going to be a fun/good thing for me. I just need to get things with the job lined up and then im sorry campbellsville, but im peacin' out.

In other news, through trials is playing summer of hate this year and im stoked out of my mind! Crowd deterrant and know the score is playing! Omg im really excited and I know that through trials is too. Im really happy for them.

This upcoming week is the kingdom/hoods show, the next week is nfg/bayside AGAIN, and then idk after that, but im stoked about those for sure. I've just been having a good time lately at shows, even if im not that into the bands, just hanging out with everyone and having a good time.

Well I think that's all I have for now, hopefully dylan won't be too much longer haha.

i still take bad advice from my best friends.

im at a weird place in my life. im dealing with a lot of inner struggles, mainly in the area of relationships/love/desire/loneliness. im ready for something new, but good. i dont want anymore disappointment.

sometimes i wonder if i chose the right path. a lot of times, i feel like ive made a lot of wrong choices. bottomline, i think wayyy too much for my own good. i need to stop that.

i wish i could write something more interesting in here. every time i think about writing something though, im real stoked at first and once i start to write, i lose interest. maybe something with spark my interest soon, i hope so, at least. writing has been the one thing ive never gave up on throughout my life. i dont want to ever lose my passion for it.



i guess this is it, for now.

living in this disconnect.

ive decided i never want to fall in love again. i think spending the rest of my life alone would be better than dealing with heartache and letdowns.


pessimism. i realize its not flattering.
but its real.

ive spent the night thinking

ive spent most of the night thinking and writing. it felt really nice. i know what i need to do with myself, i think. i at least have a better idea than i used to. but after i finished writing tonight, i had to lay down. my head has been hurting all day.
every time my head hurts it scares me.

im afraid my pseudotumor cerebri is back. im not sure why it would be, because i havent done anything to cause it to return. i dont have health insurance anymore, so i cant go back to the neurologist and see whats up. i hope im wrong, i hope im just paranoid and its nothing at all.

johnson city friday. im excited to see my friends hannah and kayla. i think it should be fun, hopefully. next week, ruiner and casey jones.

these are the best times of my life.