i just found a friend in one of your lies.

i survived christmas, but barely.

this was literally the worst christmas i have ever had. i went back and forth from being completely angry at everything and everyone to being the saddest i've saw myself in a long time. it was a terrible time to say the least. both sides of my family lost loved ones, and recently at that. you could just tell everyone put on fake smiles and tried to make the best of things, when all anyone wanted to do was forget about this holiday all together. i wish that is what we had done.

i laid in bed forever last night staring at the celing. i could not go to sleep for the life of me. i kept listening to music, which didn't really help. i've been thinking a lot lately about so many things. about what i'm doing with my life, about those who are in my life, etc. i think i've became something i hate. plain and simple: i've made some choices i'm not so proud of. problem is: i'm bad at making changes.

i'm looking forward to january 28th more than anything else in the world i believe. dustin kensrue, anthony reeneri, matt pryor, and chris connelly acoustic. omg right?! at least that is how i feel. i want a date for it so bad i can't see straight. i know, it's pathetic. i need a guy to hug up on, cry on, hold my hand, and give me kisses on the cheek =] i really don't see it happening though. .


i need a change of pace.
=/