self realization is bitter sweet.

These floods of you are unforgiving
Pushing passed me spilling through the banks
And I fall
Faster than light and faster than time
That's how memory works
At least in the dark where I'm searching for meaning
When I'm just searching for something
I want out
Out of every akward day
Out of every tongue tied loss
I want out
Out of the burdening nightsweats
Out of the rising seas of blood
Lost in you like saturday nights
Searching the streets with bedroom eyes
Just dying to be saved
Run on girl, run on



i wish i could write something like that.
i probably could if i actually set down and put my heart into it.
but im always too busy journaling about events as they actually occur.
or my thoughts, in screened form. because i dont like letting too much out.

its happening again. almost a year from when it originally occurred.
its something i fear ill never escape. i sometimes think it will be the death of me.
which scares me.

i need to stop staying up so late and stop thinking so much.
neither is healthy.