so im a little less stressed now that the show is over with and i dont have that to worry about anymore. tuesday-thursday have been a whirlwind to say the least. bought in blood slumber party at tiff's aparment two nights in a row, the show wednesday, saying goodbyes today/being in an overall weird mood today.
the stress of that show was literally like none other, but its not like its all smooth sailing from here on. i think wayyyy too much, i know. i think, re-think, and overthink constantly. its never ending for me. i feel like i have good moments in life, happy moments, but they are temporary. it doesnt last long and then im right back to where i started. its like, i know what i want out of life, i have an idea of where i would like to be and what i would like for myself, but im terrible at letting go and making changes.
i like familiar things. i like comfort. i dont like change.
i wish i didnt feel empty and alone. i wouldnt feel this way if i just didnt think so much. i know lots of times that i would be so much better if i just let go, but part of me doesnt want to. part of me hopes for things that i know will never be. all of me knows i will never be able to trust or believe this fully. so, right there should be a definite sign to get the fuck away. but do i? of course not. because i long for things that i cant have.
lets see how much more i can hurt myself!
i have to be the lamest person i know.
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What are you doing tomorrow? I know I keep telling you this but this is exactly how am/feel.
It's such a shit feeling to carry around, to know what will happen, to know that things will end badly yet we still hold on so tightly to them because we cannot let go.
Shit
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